Elf Meets World
by Shadow Cat16
Summary: The company gets a surprise vacation in the 'real world.' The world these days is not like Middle Earth, as the characters soon find. It's not as if they look for trouble, it just sort of finds them. Rated PG-13 for slash and a bit of language.


disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, much as I wish I do. Don't sue me, this is merely a fanfic  
  
The company gets a surprise vacation in the 'real world.' The world these days is not like Middle Earth, as the characters soon find. It's not as if they look for trouble, it just sort of finds them.  
  
Chapter One: The Fellowships Meets the Real World.  
  
  
  
As the Fellowship stepped off the plane, Legolas breathed in deeply. "Oh, I just love the scent of the real world. It's so, so....."  
  
Gimli interrupted. "So polluted?" Legolas frowned as Aragorn chuckled at Gimli's attempt at a joke. Sam merely stood up straighter, trying to soak in all the sights. There was so much to see! Lights flashed everywhere, and millions of people, all different swaggered along.  
  
"Er, come along you all. This way, I think. We need to find our luggage." Seeming a bit lost and confused, the company traveled along as a pack. After a few moments, they saw their luggage. There was one problem, it was at the bottom of a set of moving stairs.  
  
"What is this magic?" Gimli rumbled. "I command you to stop, with the power vested in me!" The escalator kept rolling along, bringing more tired looking people down to the platform below. "Stop!" Gimli swung his ax and brought it down on the stupid machine.   
  
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"Hi, mommy." Legolas was holding the phellytone, another bit of magic, to his ear, coincidentally upside down. "Yeah, can I borrow some money? Uh, well, I'm in jail." Legolas glared at Gimli. Gimli looked in the other direction, pretending not to notice or care. Legolas set the piece of plastic back on its hook. He sighed. "She'll be here in an hour. Airlines are so damn slow!"  
  
"Language, Weasly" quoted Frodo, curled up in a hard plastic chair. He was holding a book of "Harry Potter" upside down, and seemed to be having great fun. Pippin was peering over his shoulder, and every so often gave out a rumbling laugh. At one point Frodo leapt up from his chair, and started yelling at Pippin. "Oh, yes, quite funny, isn't it! I'll have you know that Harry just got detention for being misunderstood!" At which point Frodo ran off crying into the ladies room.  
  
Pippin just smirked. "That's the point, lads." He winked. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The hand on the clock moved ever so slowly. Legolas' mom had not arrived yet, and Frodo was still in the bathroom. The plastic chairs were very uncomfortable under the company's butts. Aragorn scooted around, trying to find a semi-comfortable position.   
  
Finally a woman marched in. She was round, and looked slightly like a bowling ball. She had twin dots of rouge on her face, and her curls were plastered to her forehead. All in all, she looked like a china doll, but fatter.  
  
"Legolas, darling!" Mrs. Greenleaf called out loudly. She ran to him, and Sam could see Legolas roll his eyes heavenward before being caught in the crushing embrace. She doesn't look much like an elf, Sam thought to himself, she seems like an outcast, of sorts. In reality, Mrs. Greenleaf was exiled for trying to mutate flowers so that they were all her favorite color, lime green.  
  
She walked over to Aragorn. "Is this the boy you always talk about honey?" Legolas' ears turned bright red. Aragorn just looked confused, (as well as slightly joyful), and Pippin grinned as he threw "a look" at Merry, who nodded knowingly. The awkward moment passed, and Legolas' mother handed over a big wad of cash.  
  
"Didn't know paper money was common in Middle Earth," muttered Sam. The fat hobbit, he knows things, his eyes always watching.   
  
A punk with purple cropped hair and a huge gold nose ring entered the police station, escorted by three beefy officers. She glanced sideways, and muttered, "Weirdos."  
  
At once Legolas had pulled out his sword, and placed it a hair from the girl's neck. She lifted her hands slowly in the air. The men surrounding the girl kept on walking for a split second, being oblivious. Then, when they noticed what was actually happening, they surrounded Legolas in an instant. "Now, see, that's why you're here in the first place. Maybe if you put that sword down, we can take ya' to a nice place, with nice padded walls..." The first beefy guy spoke with a New York Twang.  
  
The girl, of course, needed no further opportunity. She raced out the doors, and the policemen were too concerned with the half-crazed elf to notice or really care.  
  
"I swears, I swears, I'm an elf from Mirkwood!" Legolas screeched in a voice that sounded a bit too much like gollum.  
  
"Posh! And I'm the Queen of England!" yelled a second guard. Being as Legolas really is an elf, it makes you wonder about the guard.....  
  
Frodo finally came out of the bathroom, his eyes all puffy and red. Frodo is not the village idiot all the time, (the New York village idiot was two blocks away, staring at the orange juice container that said concentrate.) Anyway, Frodo stepped forward. "Er, I'm the boy's caretaker." He said in a rough voice. "Today is his day that he's allowed to go outside, and he kinda got out of control. I'll take him from here."  
  
"Hey, kid, who do you think you are?" The first officer was speaking again. Now, to a hobbit, being called a child is a very big offense. Frodo immediately launched himself at the poor man, scratching and spitting. Sam frantically tried to yank a yowling Frodo off the screaming man, crying the whole while.  
  
"Mr. Frodo, sir. *sniff* please don't be doin' this, sir.. *sniff!*"  
  
Suddenly, without warning, they were all blown backward by a huge wave of flame. All three officers were knocked out cold. Boromir stood in the background, holding a bottle and grinning.  
  
"What does combustible mean?"  
  
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Back in the car, Legolas high fived Boromir, and hooted. "Whoo-hoo! Boromir, you rock!" Aragorn sat in the back seat, disgruntled.   
  
"I'ma drivin." Pippin slurred. (The Fellowship had celebrated escaping the cops at a nearby pub... They serve pints.)  
  
Legolas laughed even louder. "My friend, even if you didn't crash out of your drunkenness, you wouldn't be able to see over the wheel!"  
  
Pippin grinned blithely, not even recognizing the insult, drunk as he was. "'Aight, budge up in the back then. Aragorn, you drive."  
  
Legolas pouted and whined "But I wanna drive!"   
  
*slap!* Aragorn stared down at his hand. "Did I just do that?" While Aragorn was busy being horrified, Boromir pushed him out of the way, and stomped on the gas. All the way home, Aragorn just sat, staring at his hand. 


End file.
